


Love's Wish

by keidamkyo



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26544922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keidamkyo/pseuds/keidamkyo
Summary: Original setting is Post Entropy.   This is a challenge response to firebird234.   The challenge will be posted when I finish this.When Spike is talking to Anya, he makes a wish that he would forget he slept with Buffy. Anya grants it and his memories are altered so that he only remembers them talking and hanging out and being friends.  This is a do-over and hopefully the same mistakes are not made.DISCLAIMER:   All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Relationships: Angel/Buffy Summers, Spike/Buffy Summers, Xander Harris/Anya Jenkins
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	1. Wish Granted

Everything was so dark in Spike’s world. Earlier in the cemetery, Spike had really tried so hard to be helpful and all Buffy had said was “Whatever” after his offer to dust the vamp with one condition.

“You wanna tell them so badly? Go ahead.” “I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week… and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. So I’m thinking, sleeping with you? They’ll deal.”

And then she’d just walked away as if Spike did not exist. He’d dropped the vamp in spite. It wasn’t as if he wanted to hurt her. If there had been any real danger, he would have stepped in. Maybe. But instead he’d fallen apart. Had given in to the poncy William, nearly crying but putting on a brave face. “ In that case, why won’t you sleep with me again?”

He was so ashamed. And why did he feel shame like this? The Big Bad reduced to a sad replica of his former self. He had slunk stealthily back to his crypt thinking it was fortunate that Buffy had quickly staked the vamp who had heard the lovesick outburst.

Got to get it together. Got to get it together, he’d thought as he hugged himself to sleep.

The next afternoon, the crypt door had been kicked open by Little Miss Kicks A Lot. It was a new day and Spike could put a better face on in front of Buffy.

“What brings you here?”

“This.” Buffy handed the item over to Spike. He looks at it curiously.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a camera. “

“Yeah I got that part. Why am I holding it?” He thinks maybe it’s a makeup gift after last night.

“Someone was using it to spy on me. On my house. Xander thinks it’s you.”

That was it. “Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp. It must be true!”

Spike was dumbfounded. Then it hit him. Of course Buffy believed Xander. After all the times he’d helped her and even staying in town after Buffy was gone. That counted for nothing in the world of the Slayer. This was just too much. He glared at the Slayer until she relented. She knew he hadn’t done this. The kicker was that she just had to turn the screw on his heart one more turn.

“Spike, you have to move on. You have to get over..”

-~-

Spike had reveled in the satisfaction of breaking even more of the broken items in his crypt. He was a Master Vampire. Sod this! The pain in his heart felt as if a stake were partially in. Why didn’t the bitch push it in more and be done with it? As far as he was concerned, the emptiness was tearing him apart.

There had to be some cure for this. Without much thought other than release of desolation, Spike walked into the Magic Shop. Anya had done a double take and looked at him speculatively. Spike held his head high. Anya was with that bitch, Cecily or Halfrek. Mustn’t let her see the pain. These justice demons are all too eager to step in. The bitch left, leaving him alone with Anya.

“What’s your pleasure?” , asked Anya as she went behind the counter.

“Fresh out of pleasure. I need something. Numbing spell, maybe”. There. It was out.

Anya smiled. “Uh huh. Hang on.” And she’d pulled a bottle of whiskey from behind the counter.

“Ah, it’s tempting. Very tempting. But I have plenty at my crypt. You’re all with the magic, aren’t you? Need a numbing spell.”

“Well, I could numb you all over. But then what good would you be? Easy target.”

Spike chuckled. It felt good. He could always count on the bird for a laugh. “ Got me there. Don’t want a body numbing spell. Just want these bollocksing feelings to go away. Don’t need them mucking me up like this. “

Anya’s eyes widened. Maybe Spike could up her quota with D’Hoffryn.

She smiled coquettishly. “Do you really want to be numb?”

“No. No!” Spike cocked his head. Buffy had said she didn’t mind if anyone knew about them, hadn’t she?

He took a deep unnecessary breath and looked Anya in the eye. Then turned his head to the side. Then up. Out with it. “ Ever since she started sleeping with me, she seems to hate me more and I can’t stand it. I just wish I could forget sleeping with Buffy.”

Anya’s face morphed. “DONE.”

Spike uttered a cut off curse before the world changed. He was so caught up with himself that he hadn’t noticed two demon vibes instead of one. And then all current thoughts and reality dropped away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously Spike was granted a wish by Anya. He has been sent back to the time period of Life Serial without any memories of having slept with Buffy.

Spike was with Buffy at the demon bar close to the Fish Tank. The clientele here was not so much with the hostility versus The Alibi Room. Buffy was sitting with her back to the bar while Spike was with his poker buddies. Every now and then Buffy would take a drink.

  


“Bleaack” as she shook her head. Spike gazed upon the cuteness that was Buffy but he had a game with which to attend.

  


Buffy was bored. “Why did you bring me here? Just point me in the direction of something that needs killing. “ The day that would not end was getting to her.

  


“A word with the lady, fellas.” Spike got up and pulled Buffy aside.

  


“Not here to kill something. These low lifers know everything that is happening in this town. We’re here to get information off the grapevine.”

  


“What? That’s silly! You don’t get info off grapevines. You’re drunk.” She hiccuped.

  


Spike raised an eyebrow. Possibly it wasn’t the best idea to bring Buffy here. “Maybe you should go home, pet, and rest.”

  


Buffy took another pull. “Bleaack!” Another head shake. She stumbled and shook her head but left. Tiredness was settling in also so she did not see the familiar black van.

  


She had not gone very far when she sensed a demon behind her and turned. It had red skin, curved horns, wings and a loincloth.

  


“Rwarrgh, you have …”. Buffy skewered it with her short sword and continued walking.  _ Not quipping with any damned demons tonight. No sirree. _

She was too far away to notice the “demon” changing back to Jonathan. Warren and Andrew decided a change of plans in another town was in order right then and there.

-~-

After Buffy departed, the real currency was pulled out. Kittens scampered everywhere. Spike had not intended for her to see them, thinking of the fondness humans had of puppies and kittens and how upset Buffy might be. Why did he bring her in the first place? Slayers simply can’t relax at demon bars. Spike made a note to himself not to be so Johnny on the spot or readily available whenever the Slayer decided to just drop in.

  


To tell the truth, Spike did not think much of the demons at the table except for Clem, the loose skinned demon. Seemed like a real nice bloke. Personable or as personable as a demon could get. The green skinned demon and the many eyed demon were not to be trusted. Clem had mentioned that he knew of a clan involved in demon real estate. That perked up Spike’s ears. Getting another dwelling sounded like a good idea to get more respect in the community and possibly from the Slayer. He could hope anyway.

  


Somehow, a mellowing feeling was coming upon Spike. He yearned for better living conditions. Not a mansion or his own hotel like the poof but something nicer. And how about that? The mere thought of Angel did not set his fangs on edge. Play his figurative cards right and he might get somewhere with Buffy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  


Buffy had volunteered to help Giles and Anya at the Magic Shop’s Halloween sale. Also, she’d insisted Dawn come along also. It wouldn’t do to let Dawn out of her sight. Although this was Halloween and traditionally a vampire sleep in night, she did not trust it and certainly did not want her sister wandering along with Janice and her friends. Janice was growing up entirely too fast in Buffy’s opinion.

  


Dawn had complained mightily. “I’m 15! Other kids are out in groups. I won’t be alone.”

  


“It’s the groups that worry me. You haven’t brought anyone home. How do you expect me to just trust my little sister to strangers at night?”

Dawn had pouted and made noise almost dropping a box she was holding in the process.

  


“Break anything and you bought it!” Anya called.

  


Dawn froze. Buffy smirked. It was to be a long busy night.

  


-~-

  


A five story building rose in front of Spike. He peered at the address on the slip of paper which Clem had given him. This must be the place. It was in a much nicer commercial district of Sunnydale. There were not any humans in sight. The businesses were strictly on a daytime operation schedule. Brachen demons owned the real estate in this district.

  


Spike went to the address and walked around. This would do nicely. He looked for a below ground entrance and found it under a thick awning type covering which went past a cement overhang. Even better. Plenty of sunlight protection just as the demon had described.

  


A Brachen head peaked out.

  


“You must be Spike.”

  


“That’s me.”

“I’m Rizak.”

  


The demon nervously waved Spike into the opening after looking around.

  


“We have to stay hidden from the humans you know.” The demon growled.

  


“Eh? You could pass for human.”

  


“Maybe but the humans get skittish. Don’t need them messing up our income stream.”

  


Spike nodded and followed the guy inside.

  


The apartment took up the entire basement area and it was clean. Spike nodded approvingly at the minimal furniture in the large living room. It was black leather and right up his alley. Yes this would do very nicely indeed. Later , he could get matching furniture.

  


“I’ll take it. When can I move in?”

  


“As soon as you pay me.”

Spike was prepared for this and had converted some of the gems in the Amara tomb to cash a while back for emergency purposes. He handed over the requested amount.

  


“Splendid!”, gushed Rizak who pulled out the key. “For the record, the buildings above are occupied by humans during the daylight hours. There is enough concrete between this area and the floors above to be nearly sound proofed. I know how sensitive the ears of your kind are and picked this out just for you. The windows are also strong enough to withstand human bullets.” He smiled.

Spike gave a half smile back. He really did not cotton to some of the condescension shown to vampires by other demons but money talked.

  


“Thank you so much for your business Mr. Spike.” Rizak said in a more respectful manner before departing.

  


Spike was glad that he had driven over here in the de Soto and was gratified that he had not trashed the ancient vehicle just for appearance’s sake. The newer cars were more compact and thus not suitable. A larger vehicle like the de Soto was needed in order to cart his chair, lamps, TV, microwave and books over in. But he would need a truck for the rest of the things he wanted, like the mattress,bed and fridge. He had really lucked out in attaining such a nice bed and he was not about to let it go. A crypt could not be vacated for long before the demon world became aware of it.

  


The next evening, Spike borrowed a truck from a member of Clem’s clan and Clem agreed to come along for help. They took the bed apart and loaded it in the truck along with the fridge. It was not long before everything was in the new place and , after setting up the TV, both relaxed on the couch.

  


Clem looked around. “Didn’t I tell you that these were some primo digs?”

  


Spike nodded. “Yep. Certainly suits my needs. Figure that it was about time for something other than a crypt. I am a master vamp after all and my place should reflect that.”

  


“You need a lot more furniture.”

“Yeah?’

  


“Yeah. There’s so much space here.”

  


“Gonna partition off part for sparring.” Hopefully for the Slayer but the demons didn’t need to know that.

“Oh. Yeah. ‘Cos you need sparring room. ” Clem nodded. “Uh, word is you’ve been killing some of your own kind. Is that why you were hanging with the Slayer?” All of a sudden, Clem showed signs of nervousness with sliding his eyes to Spike.

  


“So?” So that was it. Spike glared.

  


“She seems like a nice girl but shouldn’t you be out with nice demon girls?”

  


“Slayer’s all right but we’re just friends. And that’s all right by me. Just think of me as a fighting mercenary with this doo dad in my head. “

  


Clem wasn’t certain about buying that.

  


~-~-~-  


Buffy was trying to keep busy with Dawn. The previous day her so-called friends had informed Buffy of her dire financial situation. It had not been fun.

  


“Perk up Buffy!” Willow had inserted. “Just be glad that you’re alive”.

  


The chair had barely been close enough to sit down in. However , Buffy thought better of it, smiled tightly, went out the back door and kept walking.

  


“I know you’re there”, she called out behind her to the familiar stalking vampire.

  


“‘Lo Buffy” Spike said as he stepped alongside her.

  


“I really really need something to kill now. Got any leads?”

  


The Slayer was not looking as perky as she did the last time they’d met Spike noticed. “Maybe now is not a good time, y’know pet.”

  


“What?” glared Buffy. “ Anytime is a good time. That’s my job. That’s all I’m good for.”

  


Spike had caught a whiff of a sniffling. “Something wrong, pet? You seem out of sorts. And if you want my..”

  


“Shut up, Spike! I don’t want to talk now.”

  


“Oooh kay.”

  


Silence.

  


“And now you choose to shut up.”

  


“Pet, I’m only doing what you asked.”

  


Buffy stomped her foot. “But I don’t want you to shut up. You never shut up when I ask.”

  


“Maybe I should just listen to you now, OK? Here, let’s just sit down.” Spike led her to a ledge close to a cemetery. There was little foot traffic around this spot which lessened the possibility of being interrupted.

  


Buffy looked up into the air releasing a mighty sigh. She sat down, ran her hands through her hair, shook her head and started to cry.

Now ,now pet, no need to cry. ’S not so bad whatever it is.”

  


“Yes, it is,” sniffed Buffy.

Spike put her arms around her and tentatively held her.

  


Buffy gave him an appreciative smile while wiping her tears. “Why are you being so nice to me? My friends even seem to not want me to say anything other than what they are thinking.. At least you listen to me.”

  


“You know why.”

  


Buffy stiffened and Spike let her go. He looked at his hands, wrapped his coat closer, and put his hands in his laps frustrated.

  


Buffy had mirrored the movement unknowingly but her hands kept going closer into a clasped arms position. She started to rock back and forth on the ledge all pulled into herself. She looked at Spike. “There’s something I want you to know.”

Spike raised his brow. “Yeah?”

  


“It’s something you can’t tell the gang. Please?” She looked at Spike intently.

  


Spike nodded.

  


“It hurts so much…missing Mom..”

“Your mom was a right decent lady and it’s always going to hurt.”

  


“No, that’s not what I meant. I miss SEEING Mom! I just saw her before Willow brought me back. She was right there. With me! It was so warm and right. Everything was perfect. I felt at home.” Pause. “A final peaceful home.” Buffy sniffed. “And now it’s gone. I miss it because my so-called friends decided I was in some hellish place when I wasn’t”.

Spike looked genuinely shocked and could not give a reply. How could they do that to her? It still upset him to see Buffy in so much pain.

  


Buffy looked him in the eye. “I think I was in Heaven.” And she clasped her arms to her chest harder and pulled into herself. It helped her to stifle the tears.

  


Spike continued to look at Buffy with dismay then looked away ,abashed. He felt uncomfortable speaking.

  


“Please, please, don’t tell them.” Buffy said. “Just don’t ,OK? I’m not ready to let them know yet. I feel so much more comfortable talking to you.” She reached over and clasped Spike’s hand. “ Please?” she asked looking for some type of acknowledgement and confirmation.

  


Spike simply nodded and then shook his head to prevent a rash comment at this moment.

  


“Walk me back? ‘Kay?”, asked Buffy.

She slipped her arm around his and walked home with a still gobsmacked Spike removing her arm before approaching the door.

  


“Talk to you later? And thanks for listening to me. I really need that. It relieves some of the pain”. Her lips turned upwards in a small smile.

  


Spike returned the smile. “Anytime you need to talk, just let me know. Uh, I have a cell phone now.” Spike pulled a piece of paper out of a pocket on which he had written a number.

  


Buffy looked at him questionably but took his number and smiled again before going inside.  _ Since when did Spike have money? _ She wasn’t going to ask.

  


Spike took it upon himself to patrol that night. It wouldn’t do for the beasties to multiply more when he could do something.

Later, he was feeling quite pleased with himself. Buffy had opened up to him. Now how to show her that he really loved her? He had noticed the abrupt change in her mood. Now was not the time to wallow in lust, he told himself. Spike had to be stronger if only to prove himself more capable of loving her. Angel still had the heart of Buffy as her first love. He had to overcome that if he stood any chance of getting closer to her. Now all he wanted was to ease her pain.

  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy visits Angel Investigations.

The next day was Saturday. Buffy woke early feeling rested. Not patrolling last night did help with the sleep. She bounded out of the bed. And , just as quickly, she sat back down. Some unwelcome thoughts were intruding into her happy feelings. She desperately needed a solution, or at the most, someone to give her advice. Willow was sitting firmly in the camp of non helpfulness, thought Buffy. Tara? Not now. Xander, maybe, but he was also one of those who brought her back. She really needed to tell them off but when? She felt so guilty and did not know how to approach them without the wall of hurt feelings.

There was a knock on her door.

“ Buffy, Tara and I are going to a concert in San Clemente with a friend. Just letting you know.”

She sounded so smug and sure of herself in Buffy’s mind. Ah, maybe now was the time.

Buffy opened the door to see Willow walking away. “Hey Willow. Uh, were you headed out now?”

“In a few minutes. It’s going to be a wonderful concert by a new Wicca rock group and…”

“I was in Heaven,” Buffy blurted out. She shut the door.

“Wait. What?” Willow said as she furiously knocked on the door but Buffy had locked it and returned to bed feeling better.

“Willow, I was in Heaven. You heard me. Have a good time. “

Willow kept knocking but there was furious knocking on the door downstairs too. Tara opened the door and called up to Willow that it was time to go.

But Willow was still knocking. “But..” Finally she gave up and walked slowly down the stairs.

“Let’s go! Leann wants an earlier start than she said, ” urged Tara.

Willow’s face telegraphed oodles to Tara who put her arms around Willow. “It’ll be good, don’t worry”, said Tara misreading the situation.

After getting in the car, Willow looked at Tara and said “What have I done?” as the car pulled away.

~-~

Buffy felt as if a huge load had been removed now that telling Willow was out of her system. Did she feel bad about putting a wrinkle in Willow’s day after what Willow had done to her? Not in the least. Serves her right for not doing her research diligently. See research had to be good for life purposes also not just for demon looking up or whatever. Did Willow ever think life through? Ever? Not in Buffy’s experience and the more she ruminated the more she wanted a day off too. Monday was going to come too soon and.. Those other problems needed to be taken care of but not until Monday. She was going to enjoy this weekend.

She so needed to talk to her Mom. Buffy’s mom had been looking out for her and had mentioned how proud she was of Buffy. That sent a glow through her and put a slight damper on her mood. But it was clear that those memories of Heaven were fading incrementally each day. She really needed to get on with her life. Willow would no doubt pass along the revelation to the gang. Buffy loved Giles dearly but she really did not want to have the discussion at this time. Giles would be all with the big questions and Buffy so did not want to go there.

Right. What to do today? Angel needs to be told. Did anyone tell him she was back? Maybe? Or maybe not? He had not called.

Suddenly she bounded out of the bed again and went to Dawn’s door.

“Dawn, wake up!”

“Mwawf” came a muffled sleepy voice from under a pillow. “It’s Saturday! Let me sleep.”

“Get up! We’re taking a bus to Los Angeles!”

~-~

Buffy did not even think of possibly giving Angel the courtesy of calling ahead. Angel was always willing to see her except for that one time that Faith was involved. Ugh. Why is she coming to mind? No matter. It’s going to be great seeing Angel. He's going to be happy to see me, she thought. They took a cab from the bus station to the Hyperion.

Dawn was more excited than usual. “Wow! Look at this place! I knew that Angel had purchased something but I thought maybe a motel? This is ginormous!”

Buffy smiled at Dawn as they walked into the lobby. Several pairs of eyes turned as one to them.

“Buffy?” Angel managed to say.

Buffy set down her backpack and went to hug her first love. She was expecting more feeling in the hug than she got. Angel looked unsure with brief flashes of something unknown. He was hiding something. She just knew it.

“Buffy? You really are real and here right now”. He finally returned the hug enthusiastically. Willow had called but Angel did not dare believe that it was true.

“Why didn’t you call?”

“Look, Angel. I just assumed that I could drop in. You gave me that impression. Is something up? Dawn and I just need a room for the night. We’ll be out of your hair by tomorrow.”

“”Buffy. Dawn. We have plenty of rooms. “ Angel looked around at the rest of the crew. “Cordy can get you sorted. And ,yes, several somethings are up in the air. I’m sorry. I just was not expecting any visitors.”

“Oh,” Buffy said with a hint of disappointment. She checked the faces of the crew. She was only familiar with Cordelia and Wesley. Stuff shirted Wesley was here?! They looked awfully nervous.

“Pay no attention to the big lug. He’s just clueless on the social scale as you well know,”interjected Cordelia as she left her desk area to stand by Angel. She looked pointedly at Angel. “Which floor?”

“Cordy, I’m sure you can figure out which floor and which section in this situation?” Angel said just a bit on edge.

“Sure.” Cordelia said to Buffy and Dawn.” Come with me. Lots of changes around here. “

“Wait. Can’t we be introduced first?”, asked Buffy as she looked around towards the strangers.

Cordelia mimicked slapping her head. “Where are my manners? Of course! You know Wesley. He’s quite the investigator on our team.”

Buffy nodded to Wes.

“That big guy in the corner with the battle axe is Gunn and the other woman here is  
Fred.”

“Fred?” ,questioned Buffy.

Fred came running over exhibiting her natural exuberance. “Winifred Burkle. Pleased to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you. Wow! The Slayer! ”

“It’s nice meeting all of you too. Maybe we can talk later?” said Buffy.

Later, in the room, Buffy and Dawn were sitting on the bed removing things from their backpacks. Cordelia was standing by the door of the room.

“Cordelia, did I interrupt something big?”asked Buffy

“You could say that,” put in Cordelia with her usual tactlessness. “Fred, Wes and Gunn are working on it. If things go kablooey, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Is this more dangerous than usual? If so, Dawn and I can just get out from under your feet.” She almost offered to help but did not want to involve Dawn unnecessarily.

“Oh I didn’t mean actual kablooey. Just kablooey in the metaphysical sense. But what do I know? I’m just Vision Girl. I think it can be if they don’t get more on top of it though.”

“”Yeeesh! Can you get any more cryptic?” ,interjected Dawn. “This place seems a lot like Sunnydale except bigger and more with the pressing darkness.”

“It involves a prophecy. That’s what they are researching. Either the end of the world or the beginning of the world which sounds even scarier if you think about it since our world would need to end before a new one can begin. And there’s the matter of something called a tro-clan. “

Cordelia could hear the frantic running downstairs. “Let me check on something first. Be up later, ‘kay?” and she backed out of the room hastily.

Dawn tilted her head at Buffy. Now where did she get that mannerism thought Buffy and then she remembered that she had Spike’s cell phone number. Maybe she would call later.

“Maybe we should have called first. It would be more like a vacation instead of being an unwanted guest.” Buffy lay back on the bed. She really needed to clear her head first. She had her own problems. Angel was hiding something. That much was obvious. He never held his body so stiffly otherwise.

And her vampire tingles were going through the roof. It’s possible there’s another vampire here but Buffy was not going to pursue it.

Thirty minutes went by and Cordelia returned . She pulled out a chair and sat across from Buffy and Dawn.

Cordelia looked into Buffy’s eyes and said, “I know we were not the best of friends in high school but I’ve changed. This business has opened my eyes. I’m sorry for how I treated you in high school Buffy.”

“Wow. Will wonders never cease?” teased Buffy. “That was a couple of years ago. High school was a whole other thing which seemed like a never ending nightmare.”

“I know. All I was trying to do was be part of Harmony’s in-group.”

“Been there. Done that at Hemery so I get it sort of. That was eons ago. Becoming the Slayer changed everything.”

“And I never got that before. I thought you were just trying to get your own clique. Everyone had a clique. Dating Xander changed all that, jerk that he is. That’s the last I’m going to mention him.”

“Xander’s all right. He and Anya are engaged.”

“Really?! See that’s the type of gossip I’m missing being stuck in this museum. I remember how Anya and I met. Strange how things turn out. Send them my best wishes!”

“Hey, I’m here too, “ joined in Dawn. “ And I don’t want to listen to your lame ass tales. Buffy can I go downstairs?”

“Sure, but stay in sight of the gang.”

Dawn left and closed the door behind her. Buffy hesitated a moment.

“She’ll be fine as long as she does what you said,” said Cordelia noticing Buffy’s discomfiture.

That was exactly what worried Buffy as she worried her lips.

Dawn headed downstairs. Wesley, Gunn and Fred were arguing heatedly over some issue when they saw her.

“Can I help? Sometimes I help the Scoobies at home.”

They stared at her with open mouths and then waved her off.

Fine, Dawn thought. They didn’t want her anywhere near their precious prophecy so she started to explore the hotel floor by floor.

Bored, Dawn went walking down the hallway of another floor when Darla smelled her. The scent was like ambrosia. So pure. So compelling. So distinctly pungent. Darla strained mightily finally managing to break her chains. As Dawn went by the room which contained Darla, Darla broke the lock on the door, entered the hall and snatched Dawn. Dawn screamed and struggled. Buffy quickly came up the stairs, out of the hallway, and saw Darla in the act of dragging a struggling Dawn to a room. There were sounds of the rest of the crew on the way but they were too far away. Buffy sprinted to the door before it closed.

“Darla?! You’re dead! “ Buffy took in the hugeness that was Darla. “And you’re huge!” Buffy remembered that Darla ,while not being much of a fighter, was susceptible to barbs and quips.

“ Oh now you’re big with the obvious?’ Darla smoothed her clothes down with one hand still holding onto Dawn with the other hand.

Angel came up and grabbed Darla causing her to release Dawn. “Darla, you were supposed to stay in your room!” Dawn stumbled away to her sister in the meantime.

“What?!” Buffy said to Angel. “You knew she was here? And how?” She eyed Darla’s belly once again. “It’s impossible!”

“Right here with the belly! The “impossible” hungry belly.” Darla made another move to escape.

“A little help here for the bleeding teenager?”, piped up Dawn.

Buffy inspected the near bite. “It will heal. Just a grazing fang mark.”

Angel pushed Darla back into the room, pulled a master key out of his pocket and locked the door securely. One would think one of his crew would have done that. Why wasn’t anyone up here guarding the place?

Angel smiled sheepishly at Buffy. “I’m sorry. She’s supposed to be chained and locked up. I don’t know what happened here. “ He shrugged helplessly.

Buffy’s mouth was agape as she held Dawn. “A vampire pregnancy? How? No, don’t answer that! Is it the result of some Wool and Heart thing?” Buffy saw Angel’s eyes go upward. The vampire did not lie well. Buffy eyed him suspiciously. “Are you the father?” Another tell from Angel. “You are, aren’t you? I don’t remember anyone saying that you had lost your soul again. But it is you, isn’t it?’

Angel stood protectively at the door with his head down. ”We got together last year one night. I had no idea this would happen. Like you said. Impossible. And ,no, I did not lose my soul. Getting together with my sire didn’t fall under the “perfect happiness” clause.”

“Dawn go downstairs and look for Fred to tend your neck.” Buffy looked pointedly at Angel and felt another loss. This was worse than Angel’s siding with Faith during their fight. Angel was her One True Love and yet Buffy always felt left out even though she loved him dearly. And now there was the Sire thing once again hovering over them.

There was loud banging on the door behind Angel. “I’m hungry!! I need blood!! And none of that pig swill!” Darla yelled.

Wesley and Gunn arrived with a cooler of blood bags.

“You’re feeding her human blood?” squeaked Buffy.

“No. I’ll take care of this.” Angel unlocked the door, picked up the cooler and went in to quiet Darla.

Buffy stood there. Staring. Once more he chooses someone else. Plus he lied to her again. Those were definitely hospital bags. She wiped a tear from her eye, turned and went downstairs.

After checking that Dawn was OK, she sat in a corner with Cordelia.

“So Darla was what you were hiding?”

“Not entirely. Darla arrived only last night. She only added to our problems. There’s still the issue of the prophecy and the tro-clan. That’s all true and still over our heads.”

“How is Angel otherwise?”

“We think he’s going to be OK but you never know. Angel’s teaching me how to fight so I can be more physically useful. “ Cordelia glanced at her hands and smiled at Buffy. “It’s good to know that the more I practice with a sword, the faster I can bring it up if needed. That’s a really good feeling.”

Buffy noticed that whenever Cordelia mentioned Angel’s name, there was a glow to her features. “You get along well?”

“Yeah. He’s got a lot on his mind but we help as much as we can. He was starting to relax after the latest of our adventures but the issue of the Nyazian scrolls came up. That holds the prophecy. And then Darla arrived.” Cordelia sighed. “It’s enough to make anyone loopy.”

Cordelia changed the subject and looked Buffy over. “You’re looking good for a formerly dead person. How are you coping?”

Buffy’s eyes rose in surprise. Imagine that. The Queen of Sarcasm actually had a heart. “Thanks for asking. You are the first to ask me that question. Actually not as good as Willow thinks I should be. That’s a bone between us and she wants to gnaw on it. “

Cordelia raised her eyebrows. “ Yeah? I would have thought you and Willow to be best buds for life.”

“I thought so too but Willow’s changed. She’s all about the power. It’s so hard to talk to her. I never know what to say. She acts as if I should be bowing at her feet or something. The only person I can talk to is.. oh never mind. I just had to get away for a bit. It was weighing me down. Willow expects something that I cannot give and I had to get away for a bit.” Buffy thought of how she had acted last year with Spike. “ Anyway it seems to be a thing that I just can’t handle.”

“Hmm. I get that. You know I was always jealous of you, don’t you?”

“I think you said something like that at that one Homecoming.”

Cordelia bowed her head, embarrassed. “Yeah. That’s long ago in the past but I still feel that you had the most grounding of any of us to take care of any problem that came your way. You didn’t waiver. Or hesitate. You just did it.”

“Really? You should have seen me freshman year in college!” Buffy laughed.

“But you still have it. Confidence. You’ve run with it. You seem so much more grown up than I am.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. She still could not believe what was coming out of the mouth of the former Queen C. “ But I don’t feel it. “

There was a knock on the door.

“Buffy, could I talk to you?” It was Angel.

“Well I should be getting back to work. It was nice chatting with you.” Cordelia opened the door, smiled at Angel and left.

Angel kept staring after her with a wondering look on his face.

Buffy could not help but to notice. “If Cordelia has some type of wardrobe malfunction, don’t you think you should say something?” She asked with a mischievous grin.

“I wasn’t staring..”

Buffy’s eyebrows rose.

“Well Cordy’s been doing really well lately.”

“I can see that,” smiled Buffy. “It looks like all of you get along so well together. I just get that feeling from being around for only a few hours. “ She frowned. “ You have a well functioning meshed machine. Cohesive. That’s the word, right? Yeah, I get that feeling and yay for me for getting a right word.”

Angel came into the room and closed the door which elicited another look from Buffy. She was feeling a bit warm. So she walked up to Angel, rose on her toes and kissed him. Now that that they were finally alone, Angel returned the kiss and embraced Buffy.

“Umm, it’s so good seeing you again Angel”. It felt comfortable like an old comfy couch. That did not mean that Angel was fat. He was just so big that Buffy felt comfortable. She stopped kissing him and just hugged him. It felt nice good. Like being with old friends good. Not like One True Love good. She missed that feeling. Whatever they had before was gone. She knew that now. This effort to fall back into that was not working. She knew it would not work given Angel’s problem with Darla and possibly a budding thing with Cordelia. Once again, she was missing the absolute bliss of being in Heaven. Suddenly she threw her arms around Angel again and kissed him harder. Where is that feeling?! She desperately wanted it!

Angel once again returned the kissing being overwhelmed by Buffy’s warmth. If he didn’t put on the skids…. And then there was the matter of him and Cordy which was confusing. His body definitely wanted her however his responsibilities to the mission overrode the physical. 

Buffy had her legs wrapped around Angel when she felt his arms pushing back.

“Sorry,” Buffy said sheepishly as she untwined herself. She moved back, turned her back to him and ruffled her hair. Turning back around, she shrugged. Her face reflected the mortification. 

“Uh, I haven’t been myself lately”. Lame excuse she knew. Buffy started pacing. “There’s that whole thing with being away, somewhere far away and then whoosh, I’m back. I thought coming here would fix it.”

Angel gave her a consoling longing look while inside conflicting emotions were churning. He didn’t know what to do either. “Uh, I should go and help tend to Darla,” he said as he spun on his toes and retreated, practically running, from the room.

Yep, same old Angel. Turn up the heat and he disappears. That was a constant she knew. An unpleasant constant. 

Buffy closed the door. Several minutes went by. She pulled out the slip of paper and pondered calling Spike from the room phone. Earlier she almost let it slip that Spike was the one with whom she could talk to the easiest. He was the one who made her feel almost normal or as normal as she could while wearing the mantle of the Slayer. An evil soulless vampire did that and wasn’t that was just so messed up.

She dialed the number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Still seeking a beta reader.


	4. Chapter 4

Spike nodded approvingly at the new furnishings in the large living room. It was coming together. All black leather just like he had commissioned and thick lush carpeting. None of that wood flooring in his lair. A fully stocked bar complete with Glenfiddich and lots of it. Also some Chivas Regal. Only the best whiskey in his bar! He was well and truly pleased with the demon who’d procured everything. That wanker Watcher would be jealous of his set-up but Spike doubted he would be dropping around soon since he had not as yet informed any of the Scoobies of his new location. He didn’t think he should except for Buffy.

Was his place too masculine for Buffy? Did he really want her coming to his place at this time? Something to think about at another time. For now, he just let it go.

The only thorn in Spike’s side was his excruciatingly palpable yearning for Buffy. He’d had to take care of his ,uh, problem a few times but he was determined to sweat this plan out until he could not stand it anymore. This was not about him. If he could stay 147 days around those ungrateful Scoobies and not break a promise, he could follow through on this, whatever the outcome. Spike took a swig of Glenfiddich. Yeah, whatever came his way.

That evening, the Bronze, of all places , was hosting The Sex Pistols Experience, a tribute band. A spot of nostalgia would just hit the spot. This particular group did not often visit the States. Spike had heard these blokes were spot on when it came to mimicking the Sex Pistols but cleaner and not drugged out as the originals had been. Oh, well, he wanted to just sit in a corner and see if the band could get near the high spots of his recollection of the originals.

The owners of the Bronze anticipated most of the attendees that night would be on the dance floor. They corralled off a section to approximate a mosh and removed half of the floor tables and chairs thinking this was going to be an active group of attendees.

The band was ushered onto the stage. They immediately broke out with “Pretty Vacant” to the squeals of the moshers.

At a table far off the right sat Xander, Anya, Tara and Willow looking morose and put upon.

“What is this? Punk Throwback Night or something?”, moaned Xander. He could hardly hear himself over the music.

Anya on the other hand was bouncing in her chair. “Come on! Let’s dance! Xander?” As she pulled him up and onto the floor.

“How can I dance to this?”, asked Xander with a grimace. 

“Oh just dance the way you usually do. It won’t make any difference. I happen to like this music,” beamed Anya. “It puts a smile on my face and you need to have one too if you’re going to give me orgasms tonight.”

Xander ,for once, forgot to put on his flustered long suffering face and proceeded to do the Snoopy Dance which was ,frankly, quite appropriate for the music. Not one person gave him a disapproving glare.

Tara gave a questioning look to Willow who shook her head. “I was hoping we could chill out. This music is so not helping.”

“Maybe we should go home then? ” suggested Tara.

Willow nodded and went to tell Xander and Anya that they were leaving.

The band was currently playing the chorus.

“Oh we’re so pretty, Oh so pretty, we’re vacant ah”

Willow bounced to the music as she pantomimed to Xander and Anya that she and Tara were leaving.  
She thought the music wasn’t bad but it was more up Spike’s alley than their’s.

If the Scoobies had been paying attention, they would have seen a familiar long black leather coat among the moshers.

````

Spike was on the floor with the moshers dancing to the band. He was trying to stay off to the side a bit in order to prevent bumping into any humans and possibly getting an unwanted twinge from the brain baggage.

This band was certainly cheeky to have named themselves The Sex Pistols Experience but they really worked hard to give fans the appearance and rowdiness in their performance. They were OK in Spike’s book. The ending song was “My Way” and Spike sang along with them competing in loudness and let loose throwing his arms out to the side as did many of the moshers to mimic Sid Vicious.

-~-

What a night! Spike went home feeling a bit lighter. As he was warming up blood in the microwave, his cell phone rang. The number shown was unfamiliar but he picked it up anyway.

“Spike here,” he answered with a snark to put off any possible telemarketers.

“Hi, it’s me. Buffy. You said I could call if I wanted to talk”.

“Hello Buffy. Are you OK? Where are you calling from?”

“Does it matter where I’m calling from?”

“Not unless you need help. You don’t ,do you? ‘Cos if you do, I can get to wherever you are..”

“No. I don’t need that type of help,” Buffy answered. “It’s just that I wanted to hear your voice. You always say the things that make everything so clear.”

Spike smiled. “Yeah? What’s the problem and I’ll see what comes to mind?”

“Remember what I told you about where I was? Well, I did tell Willow after all and I expect she’s told the rest of the gang by now. So you can rest easy about keeping it a secret.”

Spike let out an unneeded breath of relief even though he had no intention of mentioning this to the Scoobies.

Buffy continued. “I’m out of town and I took Dawn with me. Not looking forward to the blowback when I get home tomorrow. And Willow told me there wasn’t any money. That’s why I was trying to get a job.”

“Buffy..” started Spike.

“No, just please listen, Spike. I don’t know what to do as far as a job. If I don’t get a job soon, I might lose the house and Social Services will be alerted and take Dawn away.”

“Buffy! You don’t need to work. I have money. Remember that tomb with the Gem of Amara? There’s plenty for both you and Nibblet. You can pay off the mortgage.”

“I can’t take your evil gotten money.”

Spike let out an exasperated sigh. He loved the bird but her mind was stuck on one note. “What about a gift? Or if your pride won’t take it, a loan with no interest or limits?”

Buffy was intrigued. Her pride was in the way but they needed money. The thought of being penniless and losing Dawn was too much to bear. She relented. “Yes, I guess so. We need something.”

“Listen pet. Don’t worry. It will turn out OK in the end. Soon this will be in the past.”

“OK then. Thanks Spike.”

“Just rest easy, See you soon.” He hung up.

She sounded as if she would accept it. Spike would believe it only if it happened. He knew how stubborn the slayer was about some things. She still saw him as evil and soulless in spite of his loyalty.

-~-

The next day Spike called a demon lawyer associated with Wolfram and Hart in Los Angeles and inquired into setting up an account for his girls. One more call to Spike’s local guy to put them on three way and it was done. Spike settled back into his king size bed and dozed with a feeling of satisfaction. Wolfram and Hart had a reputation for moving fast. Based on past experience with Buffy, Spike knew that the key to loving this girl was to just give her space and let her be so that she could heal. He would tell her tonight of what he had done.

-~-

Buffy had spent the morning perusing help wanted ads in the employment section of the Sunnydale Press. All of them wanted experience in some form or other for the low level jobs. None of which she had. And how was she going to get it if they didn’t hire her? She threw the paper onto the table and went into the living room. Maybe vegging out on daytime TV would help get her mind off the train wreck of her life?

As she flipped through, all she saw were game shows, judge shows and unreal “reality” shows. And some people manage to watch this all day long? This wasn’t working. What to do? Buffy decided to have one last daytime of idleness before she gave in to the last thing she wanted to do of going door to door in the hopes of some unadvertised job opening. It was a bright sunny day. Not too hot. Perfect beach weather. She donned a pink bikini and covered it with a pink shirt and denim skirt. In a duffle, she packed a blanket, sunscreen and some diet Cokes. She was all set to go when the doorbell rang. Who could this be?

Buffy opened the door to find a lanky fellow with a sallow pockmarked complexion. He looked quite funereal and off. Buffy peered curiously at him. The guy pushed a package at her.

“Miss Buffy Summers?” He asked.

Buffy nodded. Curiouser and curiouser.

The guy kept the package out and pulled out a pen and notebook. “You need to sign right here”, he indicated on the notebook form.

“But I haven’t ordered anything?”

“This package is for you.” He paused and getting more agitated said, “Come on. All you have to do is sign.”

“No money due? ‘Cos if there is..”

“No, you just need to sign on the form, miss.’

The guy still put Buffy on edge with his ..something. She eyed the package and sniffed. Nothing suspicious so far. She signed and the guy handed over the package. She examined the package and wanted to say something else to the guy but he had disappeared. She looked both ways and failed to see either a creepy guy or a truck. Hmmm.

Taking the package inside with some trepidation, Buffy shook it gently. All she heard was ust gentle riffling. She ripped over the box to find documents from Wolfram and Hart. The gist of the documents was legal speak stating that her mortgage was now paid off! Buffy’s jaw dropped! All that she had to do was take these documents directly to her bank. She would not have to worry about the mortgage plus there was to be a monthly allowance for household expenses. In addition, there was money in trust for Dawn’s college education plus her’s also should she go back to college.

Buffy was thrilled! She could not believe that Spike could be so selfless as to think of her and Dawn’s needs. Spike is soulless! Why would he do this unless it was just to get into her pants? That thought took some of the thrill out of her feelings. According to Giles, a soulless demon did not do any action unless it was to further some evil desire of the demon. They were not supposed to be altruistic. Yet Spike did this action without the presence of a soul. She sat down heavily. This kept going around and around in her head. What was the real value of a soul then? It did not make sense! She felt as if she were in kindergarten with the information she had on file. She blinked rapidly to clear her head. First things first. She was not going to be stupid and ignore the package. Worse, she had given some consideration to just ripping up the documents.

Buffy had not seen Spike for a few days. There was no way she could not accept this gift. No special terms were listed in the documents at least to her untrained eyes. Should she get someone to read them? She bit her lips nervously. Would she need a lawyer? Scratch that. No money on hand. She took a deep cleansing breath. Wolfram and Hart had a reputation for evil dealings. This was not a conventional law firm and Buffy knew nada regarding finance. Her temples started to throb.

“Buffy, I’m home, “ Dawn called out.

Buffy quickly collected the documents and stuffed them back into the box before Dawn came into the living room.

“What’s in the box?” asked Dawn as she came into the room.

“Just something that came in the mail today. Grown up business,” Buffy said shrugging. “I’ll just take this upstairs. Be right back.”

Knowing that Dawn was a snoop, Buffy hid the documents underneath some jeans on her closet shelf. Dawn occasionally borrowed her clothes but she was much too tall to wear Buffy’s jeans.

Buffy heard clomping noises on the steps and came out of her room closing the door. Dawn had been trying to see past Buffy into the room.

“I said I would be right back, didn’t I?” Buffy put on a perky smile. “What would you like for dinner tonight?”

“YOU are going to cook?! No way!” exclaimed Dawn.

“I can cook. Pasta. Eggs. That’s what we have.”

“Oh, Buffy. That sounds boring. Mind if I do something?”

Buffy stopped her right there knowing Dawn’s propensity for food experiments. “Dawn, we can’t waste food. We don’t have much.”

“I know. Just wanna make it more interesting. Let’s look in the pantry to see what’s in the back. There are vegetables in cans that can be added. I’m sure we have peas and olives and maybe something else vegetable like.”

Buffy relented. “ OK. I really need to go to the grocery store. “

“Tara usually does that.”

“Oh.” Somehow Buffy had not noticed before and she shook her head. There was so much going on around her. “Sorry, I should have been paying more attention . I just...Dawn, you shouldn’t have to think about such things. You have your schoolwork to do and your friends. I’m the grown up and I’m the one who should be dealing...”

“Buffy...”

“No, I’m going to make an effort to do better than I’ve been doing. OK?”

Dawn came around the table and hugged her sister. Buffy reciprocated the hug. Tears arose in her eyes.

“Dawn, I love you.”

“I know. And I love you too!” Both giggled and separated. Buffy wiped her tears away. Dawn was happy to see a smile on Buffy’s face. She must be coming out of her depression, she thought.

The back door opened. Willow and Tara came in with take out from the local Chinese restaurant.

“We bring dinner! Hope you like spicy.”

Dawn started bouncing. “Yay! We were going to have something boring. Witches to the rescue!”

Dawn busied herself with setting the table for the four of them. Buffy refused to look Willow in the eye. Dawn chatted happily about a new boy on whom she was crushing. Willow was acutely aware that Buffy was closed off. Tara responded to Dawn to keep the conversation going on an upward level and away from the palpable tension between Buffy and Willow. Actually, Tara did not blame Buffy and she knew that Willow had dropped the dire financial news onto Buffy recently.

Buffy quickly finished her dinner, smiled and thanked both Willow and Tara before heading out for patrol.

As an aside to Dawn, she said, “Finish up your homework and be in bed by 10PM. ‘kay?”

Note : Song lyrics copyrighted by The Sex Pistols.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note : Song lyrics copyrighted by The Sex Pistols.


	5. Chapter 5

Patrol was pretty much uneventful. Just a few fledglings. Buffy felt much stronger and the stakings were performed more easily than before she jumped from the tower. What’s up with that? She could not let her attention be so easily diverted when she was on the job. Focus, Buffy. One glaring fact stood out. Where was Spike? She had not seen him in several days. Usually, he found her and that was what she expected tonight. Not one Spike tingle. There was just something so wrong with that. She did not know why it was wrong but it just felt off. Buffy decided to hit Restfield. 

There was minimal activity on the way to Restfield she noted. Buffy really needed to thank both Spike and the Scoobies for doing such a bang up job. It really helped. After she thanked Spike for patrolling and also Dawn care, she intended to thank him for the package. Arriving at the crypt, she decided to knock. This is me turning over a new leaf. She knocked once more before pushing in the heavy door and entering the crypt slowly. 

“Spike?”, she called out while her eyes darted all around in the darkness. And why was it so dark? Spike usually kept some candles going. 

“Spike, are you down there? I’m not going down there when I can’t see anything. Are you here?”

There was not any reply. Buffy was not in the habit of carrying a flashlight and she did not want to venture any further without any indication whether Spike was at home or not. Maybe he was out at a bar or something. She eased back out the door. Tomorrow, she would make a point to visit in the daytime. Still, it bothered her that the crypt looked so cold and empty. She thought  
of calling Spike on his cell phone but what if he was in the middle of something. It could wait until a much less active time period for a vampire. 

-~-

The next morning came all too soon. After rising quickly and showering, Buffy decided to go to the bank after all. She would have to look good at the bank. This morning it felt like she was going through many changes. Clothing was the least of her problems. She chose the most subdued attire from her closet, changed and went to the bank with the documents. She stood in line and waited her turn. When she arrived at the teller’s window, she handed over the cover letter. Prior to this, the teller had his nose up in the air dismissing the youngish woman. After reading the cover letter, however, his eyebrows lifted to the temples. 

“I’m sorry that you waited in line like you did since I cannot handle this. Please take a seat and I will give this letter to my manager.”  
Buffy made a motion to take back the cover letter but the teller was already walking away with it. Before she knew it, someone had called her name and she was escorted to an office where a middle aged man of somber appearance was seated behind the desk. He smiled at Buffy. 

“Please sit down, Miss Summers. I’m Mr. Gillian, the manager of this bank. There is coffee if you want any. It will take me a few minutes to go through these papers, you understand.”  
Buffy nodded. She was a bit confused as to how banks worked but decided to keep an eye on the guy and remained seated. She was loath to lose what had just fallen into her hands.  
Mr. Gillian perused each page critically then sat back with his hands folded on the desk. 

“All appears to be in order. It appears that your benefactor has taken care of several financial issues. We would be happy if you would open the accounts at this bank,” he said with a wide grin. “All you would have to do is sign some papers if this is agreeable.” 

“Papers?” Buffy worried her lower lip with her teeth. On the one hand, she needed the money yesterday but she was not good at fine print and really did not want to make a mistake. Maybe this was a mistake coming here alone as she did. She was an easy target. Losing her nerve, Buffy stood up. What was she doing here? She did not feel like a proper grown up. 

“I’m sorry. I’d like those documents back, please. There’s something I have to do first. I’m pretty sure that I want the accounts here but there’s something I have to do before finalizing a decision."

“Of course, Miss Summers,” Mr Gillian said as he gathered up the documents, put them in a folder with the bank’s logo and handed them back. It was a proprietary mark in case the young woman went to another bank. 

Buffy smiled and strode out the door. After going home and changing, Buffy debated going to Spike’s crypt. A bad feeling was niggling at her brain. That crypt was just too empty last night. Picking up the phone, she dialed Spike’s cell number. This was generally a vampire’s sleeping time but Spike was not the run of the mill vamp. Besides, since when would Spike not talk to her?  
The phone rang four times and Buffy’s almost hung up when the other end was picked up. There was silence.

“Spike, are you there?”

“A good morning to you, luv. Is there a problem?”

Buffy let loose the bated breath she was holding. She really had been afraid that something had happened to Spike. “I got the papers you sent from Wolf and Heart and I’m a bit overwhelmed. I want to thank you for doing this for Dawn and I. But I went to the bank this morning and felt like a lamb at slaughter. What do I know about setting up accounts? They looked like they wanted to eat me!”

Spike chuckled. “That’s par for the course, luv. Wave money around and financial folks slaver. It’s the same anywhere. I just wanted you to have your choice of bank as a middleman between the demon lawyers. Thought you might be bothered by dealing directly with them seeing as you’re the slayer and all. This way it looks more normal like.”

Buffy was even more surprised by the consideration shown by Spike. “ Well, that actually makes sense then. Wow. OK, then, but I need someone to look over the bank’s paperwork so that you are not ripped off. Spike, can I drop by for you to look at them this morning? Are you at the crypt or not?” There she got that question out. 

There was silence on the line. 

“Spike? I asked a question.”

“Uh, I’m not at the crypt, Slayer. In fact, I moved,” Spike said after a couple of beats. “The demons were riding herd on me and I had to get out of there. Just give me half an hour and I can get over there. ”

“You don’t want me knowing where you live?” Buffy raised her voice. 

“That’s not true and you know it. I’m coming over and then we can talk. See ya.” That bint’s mind could assume the worst at any moment. At least, she accepted the money. Spike started to hum a tune. 

Buffy’s back started to get up a bit with Spike hanging up on her like that. In her head, she knew it wasn’t a real hang up but she snorted anyway. She expected to keep tabs on Spike at all times and she was miffed that she had not been told before the move. She remembered how worried she felt earlier at the thought of the empty crypt. What? Worried about Spike?! Nah. She just wanted to know his whereabouts. 

Several minutes later, the back door banged open and shut. Buffy went to the kitchen to find Spike stamping out tiny flames from his blanket. 

Buffy quirked an eyebrow at him belying how happy she was to see him. . “Come into the living room and tell me what’s the what with these.”

“Bossy bint.” Spike muttered as he followed her into the living room. 

~-~

Anya and Halfrek were seated at an outdoor bistro in sunny Hawaii sipping fruity adult beverages. 

“How’s that last wish going for you, Anyanka?” asked Halfrek with a condescending air. 

Anya kept her eyes on her drink. She’s my friend but why does she always do that? 

With a nod to Halfrek, Anya said,” It’s progressing. There’s been one death so D’Hoffryn should be happy.” She smiled. 

“Really?” Halfrek raised her brows. “ Was it a principal death or someone or something minor? It does make a difference you know.”

Anya refrained from a noisy gulp of her beverage. “He has been an important character circling the slayer for years.”

“How important?” Halfrek was like a dog with a bone. She was the favorite and was not above letting any and all denizens of Arashmahar know it. 

“What relevance does that have? D’Hoffryn requires pain and it’s been delivered.” 

Halfrek pushed away from the table and stared for several beats at Anya. “ Really, Anyanka. You need to get your head in the game. You are on probation after all and you need to be more creative.” 

“Thanks for that reminder, Hallie. I am working on it and I will not let him down,” Anya said as she slurped the last dregs from the glass. “I have a plan,” she lied. 

“You had better hope so,” Halfrek said standing up. “I wouldn’t want anything happening to you”, she said in parting. 

Anya’s eyes skittered from side to side before she teleported to her quarters. 

~-~  
Spike had gone over the papers which the bank required and everything was in order. The bank was the repository for the monthly pay outs. The bulk of the money would remain with Wolfram and Hart. Buffy was not to worry about any of it. The entire purpose of this gift was to ease her burden. Buffy had wanted Spike to accompany her on the return trip to the bank but he declined. 

“Don’t think folks want to see me stamping out flames, pet. Would ruin my suave image”. 

“I don’t want to feel on shaky ground, “ said Buffy.

They compromised with Spike driving Buffy to the bank and waiting outside for her. He tapped his fingers nervously on the steering wheel while he peered at the door. Never one for patience, he pulled a cigarette from the pocket of his duster and played with it a bit. Why was it taking so long? He twirled the fag in his fingers and carried on with tapping it instead of his fingers. Somehow that was not satisfying enough. He was almost at the end of his patience when Buffy tapped lightly on the window before opening the door. Spike smiled widely. Buffy sat down and let loose a long breath. 

“Wow! It’s done.” Buffy put her hands to her head and riffled her hair with her fingers as she slumped against the seat. “It’s really, really done! I don’t have to work a job.” She moved across the seat to give Spike a peck on the cheek and held and squeezed his hand. “ Thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

“Really, it’s nothing that anyone who...anyone else wouldn’t do, pet. “ Spike was chuffed up. He was thrilled that his girl was happy plus she was holding his hand! “I’m just happy that you accepted it. It hurts to see you and the Bit not being cared for.” He meant it. A smile on the face of his slayer was something rare these past weeks. However, inwardly, Spike raged at their wanker of a dad and that Council though. 

“Anything I can do to help, I just hope you will let me,” Spike said as he peered over at Buffy. 

Suddenly Buffy was all too aware of her hands on his. She jerked away with a shrug of apology. “Sorry. It’s just habit. You know?” She sank down onto the seat. 

“Yeah, sure, whatever you say,” Spike grimaced as he pulled away from the curb and took his slayer back to Revello Drive. 

Buffy pulled herself together before she got out. “Will you tell me where you’re staying now? I have your phone number but what if I can’t reach you? What if it’s not charged? What if I need to drop by suddenly?”

“That’s a lot of what ifs, pet,” Spike said as he nodded, pulled out a slip of paper and wrote the address down. Buffy’s brows lifted questionably. He has an address? A real address and not a crypt? 

“Thanks, Spike!” Buffy stopped herself and gave Spike another peck on the cheek before she quickly exited the car. 

Spike stared after her with conflicted emotions. He watched as she entered the house before pulling away from the curb.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cracks form in the relationships of Xander and Anya and also Tara and Willow. 
> 
> Character thoughts are denoted by **. 
> 
> (Credits go to Johnny Hart for the BC Comics character.)

Anya rolled over onto her back and slowly stretched her arms overhead as she released a lazy yawn. One of her hands landed on Xander’s soft hair on which her fingers lazily stroked. She rolled over and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. ** That’s my man and he’s going to be my husband **, she thought as she bussed him on the cheek. Even though his mouth was open catching flies, Anya did not care. She thought it looked sweet and vulnerable. And she felt honored that this large man would display vulnerability in her presence. It came from her former demonic background. Vulnerability was never to be shown unless one felt safe.

She rose, took a quick shower, dressed quickly and went into the kitchen and donned an apron. She hummed a melodic tune as she fixed Xander’s lunchbox. It was a ham sandwich with cheese and lettuce which was Xander’s favorite. There was an enclosed container with mayonnaise to add later when he ate it. She threw in an apple, a soda and a protein bar. Then she started a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs. That’s what men thrived on per all the television shows. All those men had big shoulders and large biceps. Yum. Just like her Xander. She wanted him to keep those sexy assets and she would do all she could to help. 

Xander’s alarm went off in the bedroom and Xander let out a series of grumbling noises as he did a full body yawn. He hit the snooze button for a few minutes. 

“Xander, breakfast is ready! Come eat first before you shower”, Anya called out. 

“Ahn, just a few minutes more.”

Anya peeked her head into the bedroom. “Get up or your breakfast will be cold and then I would have done this work for nothing because you don’t like cold food.” She put her hands on her hips and stamped her foot.

Xander peeked one eye at his lover. Then he reluctantly turned off the alarm snooze before he did another full body stretch. “OK. OK. I’m getting up already.”

He threw on a tee shirt, eased his feet into slippers and stumbled into the kitchen.

“Umm, that smells heavenly! Grog want mighty fare,” he mimicked as the sight and smell of the food started his mouth watering. He thought that there would be no need to stop at the bakery for donuts. Heck, who was he kidding? It was part of his DNA to have greasy fatty donuts as often as possible. His co-workers depended upon him for their morning greasy goodness and he took this aspect of his job seriously. Inwardly he cringed as he realized the reason Deadboy Jr called him “donut boy” as one of the nicknames. Then he shrugged. Nothing the Evil Dead said could fracture his cool. He was the coolest of the cool. Cool Man Xan.

Xander ate heartily as Anya sat with her elbows on the table smiling at him. 

“This is good! Aren’t you going to eat, Ahn?”

“In a bit. I like to watch you eat”, she smiled. “Besides, the shop is opening late this morning. My plan was to go over there -“

“Sure, sure, Ahn,” Xander interrupted getting up from the table. “Time to shower and get out of here, ” he said after kissing her peremptorily. He walked away without looking back. 

Something inside Anya felt as if tiny bits were being chipped away. She smiled wanly after Xander. 

~-~

It was a gorgeous morning with sunlight suffusing the kitchen. Dawn had left early for school. It was amazing how bright light shown upon everything, ferreting into all the corners, and made it clearer. Buffy was a California girl who adored the sunlight through and through. How ironic that she felt her skin thrum most in the dark while doing her job. Spike had said something along those lines and she had dismissed it. Another thing he might be right about. 

Buffy and Tara sat at the table drinking coffee in quiet companionship. Buffy really liked that Tara did not press her with questions. It was as if Tara could access parts of her mind. 

“What were you planning to do today?” asked Tara quietly.

Buffy gave her a half smile. “I don’t know yet. Was thinking about re-enrolling in college now that I can.”

Tara’s brows raised. “Really? That will be great! Uh, maybe you might want to audit a few classes first? That way, you can feel more confident about any ..er..choices you make?” She was really worried about the money factor for Buffy. Where did this sudden interest of Buffy’s come from? What did she mean by “now that I can”? Tara did a surreptitious peek at Buffy’s aura and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was much calmer in the color spectrum. 

“Huh. That’s a good suggestion since I really don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” Buffy gave a wry smile. 

“Uh, you can come to any of my classes, you know. Just let me know when. I think you have to let the school know first. Maybe you can do that today?”

“Yeah,maybe. I think I’ll go to the beach first though. Take advantage of this weather.”

“Right, yeah sure. I hope you didn’t think that I was pushing you,”said Tara, “‘Cos that’s something no one should have done to them.”

“No, no, you’re fine. We’re cool, “ Buffy placed her hand on Tara’s. “I don’t think I could ever get mad at you, Tara even though-“

“Buffy, I’m so sorry for what we did.”

“I know. It’s just that I’m still dealing with grief and loss. It’s good to be here but the feeling of loss is also there like a giant festering boil. You pick at it and it spreads. I want it to heal and not spread.”

Tara nodded. 

Buffy continued. “Like I said, it’s not that I don’t want to be here. But I need to find a balance so it doesn’t hurt so much..that those pain chords are not struck so sharply. So excuse me if I’m not always smiley Buffy. I can’t be that person anymore and you guys just have to give me some space if you don’t understand.” Buffy grimaced. 

“I can see that, Buffy,” Tara said,”and you seem to be much better adjusted lately than when we…” Tara stopped ,noticing the wince from Buffy. She patted Buffy on the back. 

“I..I really should get going,” Tara said as she rose and left. It was really heartbreaking to see Buffy in any type of pain. Tara, if anyone, out of all the Scoobies, knew that it was up to Buffy to make moves on her own terms when she got to the point of feeling like it. It really irked her that Willow, especially, was leaning.. No, she was sure that Willow was already there on a control high horse. These days, more and more, it was getting harder to get through to her girlfriend. It put an ache in her heart.

Buffy, sitting at the table with her head bowed, was too engrossed in her own feelings to notice that Tara had departed without Willow. 

Some moments later, Willow appeared in the kitchen looking generally unkempt and wearing a frown. 

“‘Morning, Buffy. Is Tara around?”

Buffy looked up. “Oh, she must have just left. She was down here earlier.” 

Willow’s teeth clenched together hard but she pulled it together. “Uh, she said she had to talk to some professor today and, uh, I guess I forgot. Otherwise, I would have went with her.” Outwardly, she waved her hand. However, inwardly, she was steaming. ** What’s going on with Tara? How could she do this to me? We are a team**, she thought. 

“I see that you’ve already eaten. I’ll just grab some cereal and be out of your way.”

Buffy looked up. “You’re not in the way, Willow. Don’t mind me. I just want quiet at the moment.”

“Oh, I can do quiet. Quiet is what I am. This is me being quiet-,” Willow stopped. “Sorry for the running off at the mouth. It’s just something-“ 

Buffy shot her a glare, abruptly got up and left the kitchen. 

“…that I do when I get nervous.” Willow sat down hard in a chair with her head in her hands. **What have I done** , she once again thought.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy visits Spike's new digs and Willow and Tara have a blow up.

The warm rays of the sun beat down as Buffy lay languidly on the beach. It would have been nice to have someone with her but it was what it was and she would enjoy it while it lasted. That’s what women of leisure did after all. Yeah, but am I a kept woman? Internally there were still doubts about taking Spike’s money. As a Summers woman, there was pride to be maintained. Even though Spike had fully removed his name from the account, Buffy still was a bit at odds. He was behind it and her friends were not stupid. They would ask. What would she do then?

She felt as if a rug was going to be pulled out from beneath her at any moment. She and Willow were still at odds and Buffy insisted that she needed more time. willow was just too pushy. Why am I thinking about her when I should just be enjoying the sun and being in the moment? I might be a woman of leisure but still have other responsibilities, she thought. 

She peered up at the sun nearly midway through the sky. She pulled out her cellphone and hit the saved number for Spike. 

“‘Lo, luv,” drawled Spike, 

Buffy stared at the phone. “How did you know it was me?” Her body was tingling just listening to those honeyed tones. 

“Not many have this number. And demons don’t normally call during daylight hours. ”

“Oh,well, that’s OK then.” Buffy’s pulse was on the rise for some reason.

“Are you alright? Is there something you need me to do?”

“No, nothing’s wrong, “ Buffy was embarrassed but noticed that Spike again was thinking about her needs. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. “I’m just bored. Not used to things being on an even keel,” she chuckled. 

“Thought you were overwhelmed over there with the Bit and the witches?”

“Yeah, that’s still true but still bored. Dawnie’s at school and the witches, er, Willow and Tara are too. It’s a whole school thing.”

“Uh, you could come over here.”

“What?!” Her mind was definitely elsewhere mimicking her body. 

“Maybe you could come over here and help me with my place? Come see it and all? Tell me what you think?” Spike sounded hopeful. 

Buffy thought about it. It would be interesting to see exactly what this new place of Spike’s looked like. Knowing him, it’s probably all black and red leather. 

“OK. I’ll be over in an hour.” Anything to break up the day, she told herself. She really needed more scheduling discipline if she were to be occupied in the future. 

~-~

Buffy was not impressed by the exterior of the building. It looked cold and empty. However she supposed that a vampire would not want to call attention to its lair. It looked cookie cutter just like any other stone block building. Following Spike’s instructions, she walked around to the back and went under the overhang. She rang the bell. 

Spike peeked through the viewer and opened the door smiling. 

Buffy stepped inside unable to stop a gawking expression. This place was huge. “This looks almost habitable,” she said. 

Spike’s brow went up. “What does that mean, luv?”

“It’s not a hole in the ground and that surprises me.”

“And I can’t live above ground is what you mean, eh?”

Buffy shook her head. “ No offense or anything. It’s just different from what I expected. Why not another crypt?”

Spike shrugged. “It’s not like I’ve always lived in a crypt, you know. Angelus’s whore had to have her mansions. Most vampires live in crypts due to necessity..basic shelter plus it makes it easier to dispose of bodies.”

Buffy gasped.

“Not that I’ve had a need to dispose of bodies for a while yet, pet, ” Spike backpedaled. “ You know that.” Spike was offended that Buffy still went to the default evil undead. 

Buffy maintaining a semblance of control began to walk around the apartment picking up bits here and there. “ What do you need help with?”

Pointing to boxes in a corner, Spike said “What do you think of these bobs and such? Picked them up a while ago. Not sure what to do with them.”

Buffy, curiosity taking precedent, picked up one of the boxes, sat down in a chair and started sorting through, tossing what she thought was useless and making a separate possible keep it pile. She felt pretty confident in her opinion of what Spike would like. 

“Did you want a snack and something to drink? Clem supplied me with lots of snacks.”

At Buffy’s look of uncertainty, Spike said. “He’s the loose skinned demon from the bar.”

“Oh. Right.”

“He’s the one that helped me get this place.”

“And he’s not a demon I should be worried about?’

“No,no, his type is harmless to anyone except kittens.”

“I almost forgot about that. Ewww. And no thanks on the snack. With that reminder, my appetite has gone out the door.” She shook her head and continued her task. 

Spike sat watching her with a lazy smile on his face. It was nice to see her just relaxing and being herself. 

“Time for me to go. Dawn’s going to be home soon and I don’t want her to go epoxy if I’m not there.”

“That’s apoplexic. She loves you and she worries about you.”

“I know but I feel so crowded sometimes. Not by Dawn -“

“You just want all of them to give you some space, right?’

Buffy nodded.”Not Dawn. Never Dawn. But Willow’s making my skin crawl with her neediness. She shook her head as she rose. 

“She just does not get that I need time to acclimate. Time to sort myself out. To adjust…”. Another shake of the head. “I so don’t need to go down that road. Be in that mindframe. Been there, done that. Don’t need to do it again. I just won’t. ”

“It’s going to be hard. I hope I can help if you will just let me,” Spike said hopefully. 

“Yeah, you are,” Buffy said as she walked towards the door. “Patrol with me tonight?”

“You know I will.”

“10 at Shady Hill then”. 

~-~

Willow was sitting on the bed idly changing the style and color of the curtains by magical means in the bedroom when Tara quietly entered. 

“What do you think, babe? Should the curtains be a heavier fabric or lighter?”

Tara’s mouth was ajar not believing what she was seeing. 

Willow, oblivious to Tara’s discomfiture, continued seeking answers. “Light or dark? Oh, I know! You like Indian fabrics. What about madras, eh?” 

“Willow, what are you doing?’

Willow turned to face Tara. “It doesn’t have to be madras then. What do you think?” as the curtains blinked forward to one style and color , then back and forth to various other combinations. 

Tara just shook her head. 

“What? You don’t like any of these? “ 

“That’s not the problem.”

“Problem? There’s a problem? What problem? ” asked Willow. “ Are you OK? Is something wrong?”

Tara proceeded to pace the floor. “ Again, I’m asking, WHAT are you doing, Willow?”

“You obviously saw what I was doing, Tara, so I don’t understand why you repeated the question. What’s the big deal?” she asked, confused. 

Tara looked up to the ceiling before sitting down heavily. She looked Willow in the eye. “ You really don’t get it, do you? You are using magic in ways it should not be used. That’s the big deal.” 

“It’s way easier than taking time to go to the noisy mall. And besides, why spend money when I can just use the force,” Willow giggled and grinned at Tara. Then slowly she frowned seeing the expression that Tara wore. 

Tara took her hands. “Willow, you are a wonderful person and a very powerful witch.”

“I know that-“

“I know you do. But you just push and push-“

“Push what? Push how?” Willow was genuinely confused.

“Magic is not to be toyed with.”

“You think I’m toying with magic? Because I thought we were on the same page.”

“You use it whenever and for whatever.’

“What do you mean with whenever and whatever? I used it for what I had to use it for. I could not leave Buffy there to suffer in some hell-“

“But she wasn’t in a hell dimension!”

“I know that now but then, I didn’t!” Willow shouted but then ,thinking better of it, said softly,” Neither did you. So don’t be blaming me for doing what I had to do.”

“I love you, Willow, and I want the best for us. But you have got to understand that magic should not be used for everyday tasks. There is real danger when you go against the natural order. I feel you are treading close to dark magic. I think you need more control -”

“Control? I am good with control! I didn’t mess up that spell. Well, not much anyway. Everything worked out. If I can fix something quickly with magic, it’s like a time saving appliance.”

“Appliance?!” Tara jumped up. “Willow Rosenberg please tell me you did not mean what I just heard.”

“So now you’re my mother? Since when do you call me by two names?”

Tara shook her head. “This isn’t working. I-I-I tried..”

With an expression of shocked dismay, Willow said,” This is working. We are working. Please tell me that you see that we are working. What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything, baby, Tara, just give me a chance to fix this.”

Tara got annoyed at Willow’s insistence on using the word, fix, for everything. “That is the problem. People cannot fix things. They can only do what they think is right. “

“I can fix this! You know I can!”

“No, you can’t just fix something. You have to do. It has to be about you without leaning on other forces. Tell me you can just be yourself and do things without automatically resorting to the use of magic. Just tell me that and then we will see.”

“Yes! Anything!” 

“Can you go a week without using magic?”

“Sure! That’s nothing. Easy peasy.”

Tara looked at Willow skeptically. “ Just go a week without magic. That will show me you have some discipline.”

“Yes, yes, I know that. Just don’t be mad at me, ” Willow pleaded impatiently as she went to kiss Tara.

However, Tara pulled away. “We’ll see, “ she said as she went out the door. 

Willow sat morosely for a couple of minutes before she came up with an idea for fixing Tara.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Buffy and Spike.

Buffy had left the house having made sure that Dawn had all of her homework and chores done. Tara promised her that she would have Dawn in bed shortly. Buffy did not know how she would cope without Tara running interference between her and Dawn. There was just so much to do. So many household things to be on top of. No way was she a lady of leisure except in her dreams. There was no way she could do this by herself. 

Buffy strolled confidently onto the grounds of Shady Hill. A display of strength always made any baddies have second thoughts about attacking her. Shortly afterwards, she felt familiar tingles along her neckline and soon Spike stepped into stride at her left side.

“Hi Buffy.”

“Hey yourself. Heard anything useful?”

“Nothing of much import. However, Gaetzy, thinks there’s some funky dealings in town. Some new noise.”

“What type of dealings?’

“Don’t know yet, do I? Just something new and possibly dangerous. I’ll keep an ear to the ground.”

“Just let me know as soon as you find out anything.”

“Will do, pet.”

Buffy scanned the area as they continued patrolling Shady Hill. Satisfied that there was nothing new happening with Shady Hill’s environs, Buffy suggested going over to Kingman’s Bluff Cemetery. She had heard of new “neck trauma” among recent burials. 

When they arrived, they saw a group of five vampires standing among new graves and patiently waiting. 

Buffy pulled a stake from her waistband and snuck a look at Spike who nodded his assent of readiness. 

“Mind if we break up this party, boys?” she asked. 

Five heads turned their way and growled.

“Slayer!” intoned the largest as he moved forward to attack.  
“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out!” Buffy blocked a punch, sidestepped a kick and staked the vampire through the back. She was already moving forward through the dust when a smaller vampire tripped her. She quickly righted herself moving forward with a side thrust into the vampire’s ribcage which pushed whatever breath he had out.

“That wasn’t polite.”

She moved in for a quick staking. Completing the act, she turned just as Spike ripped off the head of the last vampire. 

Buffy sighed in disappointment. “ I was on a roll. You spoiled my fun.”

The sound of earth being disturbed perked up Buffy’s mood. 

“Ooh, job security!” she said as she took care of two struggling newbies.

“Slayer’s in a good mood! You just go right ahead and have more fun then. “ Spike tilted his head forward to a behemoth of a demon. “Remember, I’m here if you need me. Don’t go taking any chances?”   
Buffy spied the tall,reptilian appearing demon in gladiator clothing. “Hu-man.”

“So you can talk. De-mon,” Buffy got out just as it swung its massive fist at her. Buffy flipped over it at the last possible moment, rolled to the back and landed a solid punch which did minimal damage. **Maybe I need to rethink this **, she thought as she deftly danced away. 

“Spike!”

Spike answered by jumping into the fray with a thick short sword which he struck at the neck of the demon. Fortunately, it was a soft spot. Spike proceeded to work repeatedly at stabbing while the arms of the demon tried to treat him as if he were a gnat. A gelatinous substance sprung out of its neck and Spike jumped back to avoid the spray of the substance. He managed to also pull Buffy well away.

“Whatever that is, I don’t think it’s good,” he said.

“What type of demon was that?”

“Don’t rightly know.”

“Remind me to start carrying a small sword like yours. That looks like more my speed than yours. ”

“It gets the job done.”

They watched as the body of the demon broke off into separate pieces and seeped into the ground. 

“It’s nice to see demons clean up after themselves but there’s no way that can be good for the water table,” said Buffy. “Wonder if there’s more in town. Could this be one of those mating sitches where the mate will be gunning for me? I can’t tell what’s the what with most demons.” Buffy looked around anxiously. 

“I think it was the only one in this cemetery. Can’t get a bead on any more like it. Let’s just finish up here and you can go home.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Buffy said as she walked warily away. She really did not need any new stress in her life at the moment. 

As they both walked away, the air shimmered to reveal a tall grey furred being. 

“Stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours,” it softly rumbled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parts of Tabula Rasa implied. Willow only got as far as affecting Tara and Buffy. Spike, Xander, Anya and Giles were not there. Currently, Giles is not even in this fic since I have more than enough characters to handle given my lack of speed. Dawn is upset because Tara is upset.

Anya woke much earlier than usual. Somehow she was feeling really discomfited and she did not know why. Something did not feel right. Xander also seemed to be in some kind of fit due to tiny moans coming from his mouth. Anya leaned an ear closer. 

“Not right. Too soon. Need to get away.” His body shivered and as his legs pulled up, he bundled into a thick Xander shaped ball. “ No, no, no!”. His body jerked to attention as he sat up straight with his fingers going to his face. He breathed heavily as his head moved right and left on the pillow. 

“Xander?”, asked Anya. “Are you OK?”

Xander had both hands over his face as he looked up.

Suddenly he realized that Anya had asked a question. “Huh?”

“Xander, I asked whether you were alright or not.” Anya pinned a steely gaze onto Xander. 

Xander realized that he was caught out. There was no way to hide this. He settled back down onto the bed and softly kissed Anya on the head. He had to take control of the situation. That’s what a manly man would do. 

“No, you don’t get to treat me like a child!” Anya said as she pulled away. Something is wrong and I want to know. You cannot hold back if we are to be married. “

Xander’s body unconsciously reacted to the word “married”. 

Anya’s body tensed at that. . 

“That’s it, isn’t it? Something about us getting married bothers you!” There was shock and distress in her facial features. 

Xander quickly tried to dissemble. “Uh, no, I was just thinking of the job tomorrow. There’s going to be more on my shoulders than I’m used to. Maybe it’s too much too soon?” He stopped on a dime.

“You’re referring to us, aren’t you?”

“What? Ahn, no! It’s just this job-“

“It’s just this marriage thing. You can’t fool me, Alexander Harris”, said Anya. “Remember that I dealt with scorned women for a thousand years”. She touched Xander’s arm lightly and spoke softly. “Talk to me. Please? One thing I’ve learned is that communication channels need to be open for couples.” 

“Uh, I really need to get ready for work.” And with that he bounded out of the bed. 

Anya let out an exasperated huff. Foiled before she could initiate sex which would lead to relaxation and then one sided talkage usually. Xander’s seeming distance bothered her. He talked more to his friends than he did to her. It had not always been like this. He used to be full of banter. She was ready for this day to be over although it had hardly begun. An idea struck her suddenly and her mood perked up. After a quick shower, Anya headed to the library. There was more than one way to skin a cat as the saying went. 

~-~  
After Willow’s desperate attempt at “fixing” both Tara and Buffy, the household at Revello Drive was in a funk. Willow really had no comprehension of the damage that had been done. In her mind, she did what she had to do. She wanted everyone to be happy and thanking her. Instead, everything had backfired. 

Tara was miserable. Dawn was miserable. Buffy had lost some of the progress that she had made and she was back to feeling lost. 

“Tara?”

“No, you don’t get to Tara me anymore. I’m done. I gave you a week and you could not do that.” Tara looked sadly at Willow as she threw clothes into a bag which she closed up and went to the door carrying the bag. “I can’t even look at you right now. After what Glory did to me, you had the nerve to do that…not only to me but to Buffy too. If I hadn’t caught on, who knows who else would have been affected? ” Her voice caught in a hitch and she stalked out the door.

She kept walking down the stairs. Dawn was sobbing. “Tara, no, you don’t have to go!”

Tara sobbed gently as she hugged Dawn. “Sorry but I have to leave right now. It hurts but I must. I’ll be in touch, Dawn.” 

Dawn ran to her room and slammed the door. Tara looked despondently after the fleeing girl and left the house without a backward glance. 

Buffy was in her room with arms clutched around her middle while sobbing gently. Last night, she had kissed Spike at the Bronze just under the stairs. She was still overwhelmed with why she had done that. She had not meant to. She had acted on impulse and it had just happened. She felt as if it were too much too soon. But boy, could he kiss! She still savored the feel of those talented lips upon hers. Umm, honey kisses. She remembered those kisses from Willow’s Will Be Done spell fondly. She really wanted more and had spent several minutes in the corner exploring Lips of Spike and using her hands on the Body of Spike. It was Spike who had broke off the session and wasn’t that a hoot of a surprise? She had expected him to carry her to his place straight away. After all, that was certainly more than a crumb that she had given him. More than a dozen cookies even. She knew he wanted more. His visible bulge was right there after all and how good it had felt to run her hands over it and him. He had gotten even harder if she could believe that. But no, Spike had disentangled himself, gave her a quick hug and skedaddled leaving her high and dry. She had melted against the wall. 

The more she thought about it, the more that she decided it was the right thing for him to have done. Buffy had felt over the line. She just wanted some comfort from her churning emotions and sexual tension. That’s all she wanted and it would be a disservice to Spike to give him a sexual relationship knowing that he was in love with her. She respected him enough to give him that space. The outcome would have affected both of them adversely if Buffy had given in. She realized that she was opening up to see Spike in a new light. First she had to figure this out. Was this too soon given her emotional state? It was the emotional needs which she needed to sift through and analyze in order to do the right thing.

Her sexual needs could be taken care of mechanically. Yep. She made a vow to go to Tingly Pleasures, the local erotica shop, as soon as possible. Hopefully it would not be too awkward the next time she saw Spike. Hoo boy. 

Right now, there was a crisis right here at Casa Summers and this needed straightening out first. The noise in the hallway was way too obvious to escape her attention and she had to do something about Willow. Once again, Willow had interfered with her well being and those of whom she loved. She loved Willow but this was unacceptable. She sniffed softly and prepared herself for what was to come. 

Buffy walked to Willow’s room. Willow had her body facing forward in the corner of her room curled into a ball. Buffy closed the door and folded her arms over her chest. She put her feet apart and put on a stern grimace. 

“Willow.”

Willow’s body continued the soft hitching in the corner.

“Willow! I know you heard me.”

Willow turned around and clenched her arms over her knees. She refused to look at Buffy. She started. “Buffy, I’m -”

“No, Willow. I know that you are not sorry. You meant to do what you did since you always know what’s best for the rest of us, don’t you?” Buffy asked with steel in her voice. 

“Well, yes, uh, I mean, no! And it’s not like that. Not really.” Willow still refused to look Buffy in the eye. “I just wanted everyone to be happy, you know? Everyone deserves to be happy.”

“And you’re just the person to know exactly what happiness is for each of us, right? You have set yourself up as the Goddess of Happiness,” Buffy said sarcastically. 

Willow looked at Buffy quizzically. Where was this version of Buffy coming from? ** She’s not acting like herself. Maybe more tweaking…**

“I can see the gears in your head spinning, Willow. You are still in fix it mode, aren't’ you?” Buffy asked. “ No, don’t answer that. I can see it. I have not been blind after all these years.” 

“I only meant well.”

“Yeah, I know. You always mean well but WE seem to always suffer the consequences, don’t we?”

“But --”

Buffy’s anger rose a notch. She needed to be in control. “No buts, no ifs, no ands. Hear me? I have had it! Just as I was getting to have some things under control, you hit us with a whammy!”

“But --”

“What did I say, Willow?! I mean it. This situation is untenable. See I know some big words. “ Buffy smiled before delivering her ultimatum. “ I can’t risk endangering Dawn again. You need to leave TODAY. ” With that, she turned and went out the door. 

Buffy went to her room, pulled out her cell phone and called Tara. Tara was a much better fit for the household. It was she who showed that she truly cared about Dawn. 

Willow was angry and ruminated on a spell to contain the damage as she threw open drawers. Then she deflated. What was the use? Enough damage had been done. She really hoped to talk to Tara soon and make it better. She needed Tara to make it better. Tara was her bulwark. She rocked back and forth tearfully on the bedspread. Where was she going to go? The last resort, of course. Sheila and Ira were just going to have to stuff it. 

~-~

Urzu sat on his makeshift throne in the midst of Sunnydale’s warren of caves. His plans were going nicely. The minions stood before him with five lovely weeping specimens with waves of fear rolling off them. He stroked his fur and purred loudly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I had computer issues and had to purchase another one.

Spike sat in his bedroom furiously penning a poem. He was still on a high from last night. The slayer kissed him! If his heart were beating, it would be loud and pounding. His head spun and the thoughts ran rampant. Progress but he wanted more! That kiss would play over and over in his mind. What he could not do was not send a note of appreciation. Hence the furious scribbling. He knew that his poetry sucked. He was still William the Bloody Awful Poet after all these years of trying but still he never gave up. 

“Your hair light and smooth,  
Pirouetting softly and,  
Effulgent shining,”

At least with a haiku, there were not so many words. Words were always the downfall from Spike’s mouth. Buffy always told him that. Maybe she kissed him to shut him up? No matter, she did kiss him and Spike was uplifted. That was the best that he could do on short notice and it would have to do. He got on the phone to the florist and dictated the haiku before he hung up. There! And now to wait. Hope she likes roses. All girls, like roses, don’t they? Well, he would sure find out. 

Spike was an increasing bundle of nerves. Was last night a dream? if so, he would dream it over and over again. It could not have been real. Buffy KISSED him! It had been more than simply a kiss. She had been into it! It was enlightening. Mind blowing even but was it real? There had been more passion in those deep and longing kisses than he had remembered from the Will Be Done spell. And those had been something! But last night there was more fire and longing than he could ever have imagined coming from Buffy. She had pulled their bodies flush together and their lips had done a growing dance of strengthening exploration. They both wanted more and at some point, a fever pitch was reached. And then a feeling of dread had overcome him. What was he doing? He loved the chit. He was not one for being a flash in a pan. He had to stop this and leave. At the time, he had felt as if they were throwing themselves in front of a thundering freight train and Buffy deserved better. ** Don’t get your undies in a twist, Billy Boy. And I know we don’t wear the things. ** She was probably depressed and just looking for some outlet in order to dispel it. Still the remembrance of those kisses would fire his morning wanking sessions for a while regardless of the reality. The demon whispered, ** So what? It works for me.** His eyes flashed amber as Spike bounded to the shower; his body screaming for release. 

~-~

Buffy and Tara were seated comfortably in the kitchen sipping their morning coffee. Tara had been hesitant to return but Buffy had assured her that Willow was not living at the house currently. 

“Tara, I don’t mean to pry but Willow said that you just up and left. What happened? You have put up with so much from Willow heretofore. Why now?”

Tara looked into Buffy’s eyes and decided to come clean. “This was not the first time that Willow wiped my mind using Lethe’s Bramble.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No.” Tara shook her head. “Willow did it the day before and I told her that our relationship wasn’t going to work.”

Buffy’s surprise was shown in her facial expression. 

Tara continued. “So having it done again right afterwards devastated me! How could she? How could she when she knew how upset I was when Glory messed with my mind? It was horrible. I was aware of not being in control the entire time. Do you know how humiliating it is to be seen as not in control of oneself and being treated like a child? I was going in and out of lucidity and it was so frustrating. It was like I could but I couldn’t. The thing was Willow KNEW how I felt and yet she ignored my feelings. My feelings! Like they didn’t matter. I love her but she does not see me. Like my father didn’t see me. I can’t do that.”

Tara looked tearfully at Buffy seeking understanding.

Buffy remembered how overbearing Mr Maclay was and the arrogance that he had exhibited when he visited. 

“Oh, Tara!” Buffy leant over and hugged Tara. The tears flowed more freely now. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you!” Buffy patted Tara’s back. “There, there… you can talk about your feelings anytime. It’s only right when you’ve done so much for Dawn and me.”

“Thank you, Buffy. Dawn’s no trouble at all.”

“You are so good for her. We both need you! I’m not nearly grown up enough to handle Dawn by myself plus my extra-curricular duties. Speaking of extra-curricular, I was thinking about re-enrolling at Sunnydale U.”

Tara brightened up. “Oh, that will be nice! We could be study buddies.”

“I said I was thinking about it. Got to put more thought into it this time though.”

“Well, you can audit in the meantime. That is, until you make up your mind. You can come with me.”

“I hadn’t thought of that. That’s a thing, eh? Might be nice to get my feet wet again and go the practice route before jumping into the deep end again.” 

Tara nodded and grinned. They finished up their coffee leisurely while Buffy gave serious thought to Tara’s proposal. 

~-~

Later, Tara went to her room where she spied Willow’s magical supply box in the corner. ** She must have forgotten it.** The sound of a wheel turning had Tara turning her head. ** And she forgot Amy too! She must have been in a real hurry to get out.** 

Feeling something uncomfortable in the air, Tara concentrated her attention on the rat in the cage. Something wasn’t right there. Amy had an unstable aura. Maybe it was a good thing 

that she was left behind. Tara would have to work on calming down Amy and she knew that this was not her field of magical expertise. She would take the rat to her magical mentor. She would know how to shield whatever negative energy the rat was exhibiting. Tara wondered if the rat recognized that Willow was missing. No matter. Tara’s skin was crawling and she had to remove the animal from the house. 

Across town at the Rosenberg house, Willow was fuming. She had just figured out how to turn Amy back to a human but in her haste to leave Revello Drive had forgotten to snatch the cage. No one should take care of Amy but herself. And darn it all, she forgot her magical supplies too! That’s alright. Buffy seldom locked the door. Willow would sneak back in and retrieve her rightful possessions. 

Tara walked with the cage containing Amy onto the University grounds until she found the office of Professor Whitmore. Professor Whitmore taught archeology but also was a practicing witch. 

“What have we there, Miss Maclay?” asked the professor. 

Tara set the cage on a low bench in the office. “It’s a special case,” Tara said as she brushed off invisible crawlies from her arms. “This is a magically turned rat. Amy is a witch in reality who turned herself to this form in order to escape a group who would persecute her or so I was told by Willow. As far as I know, Willow has been trying to reverse the condition to no avail. Well, I noticed that Amy is exhibiting some negative energy more and more. Can you shield it?” asked Tara as she shivered. 

“Interesting! You do get involved in the strangest things, don’t you Miss Maclay?”

Tara blushed and shrugged her shoulders. 

“Willow is also growing stronger and I got a feeling that something bad would happen. I didn’t want to leave Amy at the house.”

Professor Whitmore felt the air around the cage. “Umm, this one is strong and into dark magics. “ She looked up at Tara. “I think I can find a reversal spell but first we must bind the dark energies. We don’t want a practitioner of the dark arts suddenly appearing here. No, she most certainly must be bound first.” The professor searched through her grimoire. “ Yes,indeed, I think I have something here. Take a seat, Miss Maclay, and let’s go over this.”

Tara after looking over the spell and checking that all bases were covered agreed to meet the professor and her coven later that night at the professor’s home. Amy was left in the company of the good professor. This was a much better solution than having that energy in the Summers household. 

~-~

Willow thought that she could take a chance and sneak into the house at Revello Drive. Noon was perfect as she was sure that no one would be home. Tara usually took her lunch and ate on campus. Dawn was at school. And Willow was pretty sure that Buffy would be elsewhere. As far as she knew, Buffy was job hunting. Willow approached from the side watching all the windows. Satisfied that the place was empty, Willow walked to the front door and turned the latch. Darn it! The door was locked. No problem. Willow dug around in a certain flower pot and found a key. Success! She eased the door open quietly and noticed that the TV was on. 

“‘Lo, Red!” snarked Spike from the couch in front of the TV. “Forget something? I thought you had classes.”

“What are you doing here Spike?!”

“ Are you blind now? What does it look like I’m doing? Watching telly.”

Willow just gaped. She did not know if Spike was aware of her current household status. ** Looks like he doesn’t know though and I won’t tell him.** “Oh I did forget something. You just go back to watching TV and I will be gone in a shake.”

Spike appeared confused but slouched back down and returned to his lazy task. 

Willow bounded up the stairs and stopped to listen more. She walked quietly to the master bedroom. Right away, she noticed the missing cage and the missing box. She went to the closet and rummaged around on the bottom thoroughly and then at the top of the closet.   
**Hmm. Where could they be?** (Unbeknownst to Willow, Tara had moved Willow’s magic supplies to the basement before leaving for the professor’s.. She could not stand being around those supplies currently. ) Willow, exasperated, finally gave up the search and left. She did not want to be around in case Buffy returned suddenly. 

~-~

Spike woke to sounds of several voices in the kitchen. Quickly he cut the TV off, stretched and walked into the kitchen. Might as well let them know that he was there before anyone was startled. 

Tara was busy gathering ingredients for dinner. Dawn was chatting away about her school day and Buffy looked glorious. ** Nice to see her smiling like that.**

“Spike! What are you doing here?” asked Buffy as she set down a backpack. 

“Spike!!” squealed Dawn as she tackled him for a hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, Bit. You still keeping out of trouble?”

“As if Buffy would let me get into trouble,” Dawn snarked. 

“And again I ask, why are you here? In my house, in the daytime, when you have your own place?” Buffy stared at Spike knowingly while trying to keep a smile off her face. Her eyes twinkled. 

Spike relaxed. “Thought I’d drop by to see my fave birds, is all.”

“And I bet you want to eat too,” put in Tara. 

“Yeah, that too. Thanks for keeping some bags in the fridge for me. I know I’m not here much lately but I still appreciate the effort.”

“You’re always welcome here. Isn’t he Buffy?” Dawn looked at Buffy with an arched eyebrow. 

Buffy nodded. That one episode last year was just a glitch on the radar. Inwardly Buffy was glad that Spike was here. Maybe he would go on patrol with her later. 

“I did check out some classes today at the university. And I think I’m ready to go back. Not a full schedule though. Not ready for that.”

** So that’s where she was.** Spike had originally stopped by just to have a talk which he felt was necessary and his sails had been cut off with the evidence of an empty house. 

“Understandable, luv. You have a lot of responsibilities here.”

The rest of the afternoon continued on a mundane level or as mundane a level as a slayer’s household could be. Dinner was excellent as always with Chef Tara. Dawn had made a simple cheesecake with a cherry sauce topping for dessert. All of them ate it heartily and Dawn beamed. Of course, Spike had added blood to the topping on his not fooling anyone.

After dinner, Spike pulled Buffy aside out of earshot of everyone else. 

“Pet, we have to talk.”

Buffy fiddled nervously but nodded. “Not here though. Patrol with me later?”

“Sure, pet.”

Tara bustled by. “Buffy, I have a meeting tonight and will be gone for a couple of hours. But I will be here later tonight for Dawn.”

“Oh. OK. Go ahead Tara. I hope you don’t have the impression that you should always be here for us. Go out and have some fun. You deserve it. We’ll be OK.”

Tara smiled and went out the door. 

Dawn was on the stairs peering knowledgeably at Spike and Buffy. These two weren’t fooling anyone. “ I’ll be in my room. Doing homework.” 

“Dawn, you can do your homework down here,” Buffy inserted. “I need to be able to see you doing it. Please, you need to get good grades for us to stay together. You remember Mrs. Kroeger don’t you?” Buffy hated to sound pleading but Dawn not doing her homework was a headache she did not need on top of all her other problems. 

“OK, when you put it that way,” Dawn gave in. “Just didn’t want to spoil your fun.”

Buffy’s eyes opened wide. “What?! What fun? There is no fun being had here!”

“Yeah, sure there isn’t and most of all not by me.” Dawn just had to get in one barb before settling down at the table with her books. She winked at Spike. 

Spike’s brows went up. ** Bit knows more than she’s letting onto then. What the hell! I’ve never stopped loving Buffy. Always will be love’s bitch. **

~-~

Tara walked into the living room of Professor Whitmore’s Queen Anne style house. She marvelled at the size of the house and wondered if only one person lived there. The outside had a huge wraparound porch with stately columns. The door opened up to 15 foot high ceilings with a large chandelier in the middle of the room. 

The professor took note of Tara’s amazed look.

“Hi Tara! We can drop the formalities at my home. Here we are on a first name basis. You may call me Anne.”

Tara came back to her bearings and smiled. “Sure, uh, Anne.”

There were five other women seated and they were introduced. “Quickly, let’s get this over with. The circle is set up in the basement,” Anne told the group. 

The entire group trundled off to the basement. Tara took note of the winding stairs and was even more impressed. The large space was finished with a pentagram in the middle. 

Picking up Amy’s cage from a corner, Anne set it directly in the middle of the circle. 

“Tara, I know that you have a gift for detecting if something is off or not. Please sit outside the circle and keep watch. Everyone else has had time to look over the spell and there should not be any problems but you should watch anyway.”

Anne went to the center of the circle with Amy while the rest of the group took their assigned points of the pentagram. 

“Everyone please center yourselves. This is strictly a binding spell. Be prepared for any type of kickback.”

Anne set down, opened the cage and picked up Amy and held her up in the air. Then she set the rat down and placed a plastic perforated cage over her. 

Power for the circle was brought forth. Tara revelled at how much brighter the room was and felt.. 

Anne started a chant while the rest of the group maintained an energy flow. 

“Terra, vente, ignis et pluvia. Cuncta quattuor numina, vos obsecro. Defendete nos a recente malo resoluto. Omnia….vasa….veritatis!” She kept repeating it until a crescendo was reached. 

At the last “Omnia...vasa...veritatis!”, a bright light spiralled down and embraced the plastic makeshift cage. At that point, Anne removed it and the light enveloped the rat. It started to pulse and expand outward. Within it, the group could see a changing form growing to human size and shape. The light disappeared and spread out. 

A confused and naked Amy stood within the circle. “What happened? Who are you people? Where am I?”

( NOTE: The spell is Hebron’s Binding taken directly from The Zeppo. Only the words but not the specific circle requirements of that episode. That spell was to bind a demon. Amy is human so I figure this shortening will work.)


End file.
